Mmmmm, inversion.
During a packed yoga class I get brave and do a headstand in the middle of the class. II’m not falling on anyone. Awesome.
Time to get down and out of the pose. Smooth and steady…then THIS:
Uh-oh. Vagina farts and I can’t even control it! Talk about helplessness.
I make my moves slowly, trying to keep my vagina under control. Keep quiet!
Slowly and carefully I make my way to child’s pose, little toots escaping here and there. The rest of the class is silent but I reassure myself that the people around me would never think I’m the vagina fart culprit.
All is finally quiet in child’s pose. Okay, the air is out now– safe to move.
Talk about false security. This time it’s loud and this time everyone knows it’s my who-ha since I’m the only one in class moving. I stop moving mid-pose and rest in an awkward “child’s pose with one leg out” asana.
They are vagina farts, queefs, butterfly kisses, vaginal flatulence, fish whisper, your who-ha talking.
My first reaction was humiliation. “Oh my gosh! What if my friends– or, even worse, strangers– hear my body make noises!? Nooooo!”
And then I grew up.
Vagina farts are rarely discussed but they’re out there. They’re in your yoga classes and in your friend’s bedroom. Women all have vaginas and some of them are talkative.
Here are some facts to clear things up and let you know you’re not alone when your who-ha goes Flurp! and Fwomp!:
- childbirth loosens the pelvic floor which makes vagina farts more likely
- some women will wear a tampon during yoga to prevent it (not recommended)
- try Kegels and yoga to strengthen the pelvic muscles
- use your banhas (both mula and uddiyana) when practicing inversions
Most of all, have a sense of humor. Remember being perfect is boring and celebrating the fun of life is what keeps life good and fresh and progressive. Fart it up!
Thanks to these Twitter contributions to the topic:
Do you suffer from yoga-induced vagina farts? How do you handle them and any other funny bodily functions?
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Nope, no talkative who-ha for me, but now as I type this, I am sure I am jinxing myself or something. If it were to ever happen, I would probably ignore it, cough, or pass it off as a regular fart.
Thank you for this hilariously honest post!
Oh God, I have been mortified by these in yoga class and praying that no one heard them!
ohmygosh! so funny! i’d never even thought or known of this to be an issue. and just because i said that, i’m sure i’ll have my first experience with a vagania fart tomorrow. i love that you are confident enough to post about such an apparently common and (typically) private issue! it really helps foster open communication and help others feel comfortable in their own skin. kudos!
Thank you for posting about this!! I seriously thought I was the only one!! So embarrassing! haha. Especially when you are clenching so hard, and then you think you are done, then one sneaks up on you. That is the worst. It has happened SEVERAL times. Ack!
Yup! Happens to me during exercise and sex! My husbsand likes to say my vagina quacks, which helped break the ice the first time he heard it happen!
OMG this happened to me at yoga class a couple of weeks ago and I have been too embarrassed to go back. I guess I should just suck it up and go back this week huh?
I’ve only been to three formal yoga instructors in my life; two of them regularly preached to “let the noises happen” or some variant thereof. One was actually part of a software conference I was attending, so she put a little extra emphasis behind the fact that _in_that_room_ we could make whatever noises we needed to and she trusted us all to let them stay in the room. (Though this comment was directed at a guy behind me, whose farts were, well, not vaginal at all.)
I’m dying laughing! It happens to me a lot and yes, having a baby makes it worse. It’s mortifying but hey, every girl knows what it’s like to let ‘em rip. It sucks that we have to worry about two while guys just have to worry about one orifice but we are really cool and our bodies do awesome things!
Fart it up!
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