Mmmmm, inversion.
During a packed yoga class I get brave and do a headstand in the middle of the class. II’m not falling on anyone. Awesome.
Time to get down and out of the pose. Smooth and steady…then THIS:
Uh-oh. Vagina farts and I can’t even control it! Talk about helplessness.
I make my moves slowly, trying to keep my vagina under control. Keep quiet!
Slowly and carefully I make my way to child’s pose, little toots escaping here and there. The rest of the class is silent but I reassure myself that the people around me would never think I’m the vagina fart culprit.
All is finally quiet in child’s pose. Okay, the air is out now– safe to move.
Talk about false security. This time it’s loud and this time everyone knows it’s my who-ha since I’m the only one in class moving. I stop moving mid-pose and rest in an awkward “child’s pose with one leg out” asana.
They are vagina farts, queefs, butterfly kisses, vaginal flatulence, fish whisper, your who-ha talking.
My first reaction was humiliation. “Oh my gosh! What if my friends– or, even worse, strangers– hear my body make noises!? Nooooo!”
And then I grew up.
Vagina farts are rarely discussed but they’re out there. They’re in your yoga classes and in your friend’s bedroom. Women all have vaginas and some of them are talkative.
Here are some facts to clear things up and let you know you’re not alone when your who-ha goes Flurp! and Fwomp!:
- childbirth loosens the pelvic floor which makes vagina farts more likely
- some women will wear a tampon during yoga to prevent it (not recommended)
- try Kegels and yoga to strengthen the pelvic muscles
- use your banhas (both mula and uddiyana) when practicing inversions
Most of all, have a sense of humor. Remember being perfect is boring and celebrating the fun of life is what keeps life good and fresh and progressive. Fart it up!
Thanks to these Twitter contributions to the topic:
Do you suffer from yoga-induced vagina farts? How do you handle them and any other funny bodily functions?
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this is the first time i’ve felt compelled to have a twitter.
You would rule twitter.
also, I love you and your talkative vajayjay.
If I feel it about to happen, I cough to cover the noise
What a good idea!! Lately I’ll do some extra sliding on my mat to make it look like I have a squeaky mat
Ha! Thanks for this hilarious and honest post
haha!!! This was a great start to my Saturday morning. I’ve heard other individuals fart but never a vagina fart! Or maybe?? Who knows now!!
Bwhahahahahahahaha!!! That video is hilarious
My vag has yet to go on a rant in the middle of a yoga class, but it has happened elsewhere! And not even when I was doing yoga!
I just laugh that stuff off. I’m pretty sure I will still be laughing at bodily noises in my 80′s. some people never grow up.
I accept that they happen, but it doesn’t make it any less funny! Especially if it happens at the worst moment possible
Last month I was in a yoga class and there was a guy behind me that kept farting! I didn’t mind it too much, just thought it was funny. Haha!
Speak oh toothless wonder
This is the best post title ever and yes, it has happened to me, more so in a pilates class than a yoga class.
Haha I love this post, it’s so honest. I’ve never had this problem in inversion unless I’m in my underwear at home, maybe the solution is to wear tighter thicker pants so less air can get in their?
What a funny post! I wouldn’t be surprised if you’ve written one of the few blog posts ever written about yoga-induced vagina farts. You should see your google hits go through the roof! Hahaha! Thanks for the honest, funny post.
lol! i just watched the video and my fiance heard it and asked “what IS that?!?” and then had to explain it. he said “maybe you shouldn’t do yoga anymore…” lol!
When I went to class this morning the teacher announced that we’d be working on bandhas – mula and uddiyana. (I almost asked about loud hoo-has, but decided not to). Basically she had us engage mula bandha when we inhaled to “lock” the energy from falling out, and then engage uddiynana bandha on the exhale (where you pull you belly button back towards your spine and then pretend it’s on an elevator and take it one or 2 floors up).
This might help with the noise. We did shoulder stand and plow and karne pidasana (ear pressing pose) all of which can cause the noise if the bandhas aren’t engaged and the class was silent (not even any “coughing” or “squeaky mats.”)
Will you do a post on crotch sweat next? That’s really the problem I have. I can’t wear my beloved Hard Tail pants since I end up looking like I wet myself.
Hahaha Love it.
Hahahaha. I read somewhere that all the moving around in yoga classes encourages regular farts and vagina farts. Its definitely happened to me, and it’s usually kind of awkward, but I get over it and I DEFINITELY try not to judge when/if others let one rip!
a couple weeks ago, in a very crowded bikram class my face was about 2 inches from the woman in front me’s ladybits during standing separate leg stretching pose and her vagina decided it would be a nice time to say hello to me. honestly, my first instinct was to giggle but then i was super impressed with her poise/grace in handling it. she didnt even waver in her pose. i was eventually just thankful it was a vagina fart in my face rather than the other variety.
LOL!! I have never suffered from this but I was in a yoga class where a girl farted during happy baby pose. We all couldnt help but giggle like 2nd graders!
After a very funny twitter conversation, I really appreciate your take on vagina farts! (Though I prefer to call them queefs. It’s a little more dignified.) You’re right. It does happen and it’s completely normal and nothing to be ashamed about. I’m glad you can approach your practice – and your body – with a sense of humor.
Laughing out loud! Oooooh vagina farts
hahahah awesome topic ashley. i do call them queefs too! but it happens occasionally to me when i’m doing plough pose!! and i do have to move slowly to move the air out slowly! it does happen (in the bedroom too)!! and it’s a normal physiologic process
Hahahaha! This has never happened to me- now I feel left out
way to be open! haha, too funny
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