What a journey I’m on.
Yesterday my friends came to visit me in my room. Strong, beautiful women I love stood around me and listened to the story of how it happened and how I’m handling it inside. My pain was growing, but I was positive, completely focusing on the hope that I could avoid surgery. I was in a world of pain already; the idea of a surgeon cutting into that spot just terrified me.
In front of my posse the surgeon delivered the news: my hip needed a screw in it now to hold the fractured pieces together. If I waited on surgery my hip could break again and one side would actually slide over the other side. Not only would this be incredibly painful but it would require a much more in depth surgery. It was scheduled for first thing this morning.
This morning I woke up with the dread of the upcoming surgery. Richard slept in a chair next to me again which provided some comfort. I tried to not cry as I took my ring off for security (can’t wear anything in surgery). They cut my clothes off in the ER (RIP bike shorts and Flow Y tank) but left my bra. Richard had to help me take my bra off to put my hospital gown on for surgery. The pain involved in taking off the bra showed me just how helpless and limited I am. I lost it.
I identify with being strong and capable and having great endurance. Being fit is one my greatest desires and accomplishments. Everything I enjoy revolves around moving my body or talking about it. Now I can’t do any of those things; I can’t even walk for two months. I started to think of the arm balances, long runs and tough yoga I enjoy so much. I thought of my muscle tone. I might lose it all.
Overall my attitude is one of thankfulness over self-pity. Everyone knows of someone who has died on a bike. I could have easily snapped my spinal cord, landed on my face or fallen on something more dangerous. But I didn’t. I’m alive and am going to get better. I’m the lucky one.
The surgeon put a 4.1 inch screw from the right side to the back of my pelvis to hold it together. I haven’t gathered the guts yet to check out the incision. The area is in a lot of pain, but the pain there has also alleviated pain elsewhere. Isolated pain is good! Still no sitting or anything crazy like that. The most I can life is my water bottle and I can still basically just wiggle my toes and move around my arms.
Your support is amazing!!! I’ve had plenty of time to read each one of your comments and each has warmed my heart. I appreciate you guys and this community we have so so much. just check out what Callie has going on!
Thank you, thank you, thank you. You all have given me so much strength.