Sometimes I wish I was hit by a car. Sometimes I wish I was in the hospital because I did something so irresponsible that falling was just a matter of time. Maybe that I would have lost control one of the many times I killed a downhill at 40+ mph. Or definitely when I’ve checked my phone or texted when riding on the side of the road.
I hate that the ride that took me out- that will challenge me in ways I’ve never been challenged and recreate life as I knew it- was nothing more than an easy cruise on a Friday early afternoon.
If I could write off the pain, the surgery, the injuries, the concussion and the rehab to a factor that I could avoid in the future, I’d be jumping at the gun to ride my bike again. But the main factor was simply that I was on a bike.
Here’s how Friday went: I left my car in a big parking lot in a new-to-me area. I rode my bike along a busy highway and turned off onto a two-lane residential country road. I hit the dead end so I turned around to go back to the highway. I was around mile seven and wasn’t going very fast. I ran 18 miles the day before and took this time to shake out my legs.
I faintly remember going down a small hill at around 26 mph, a slow speed for downhill. After much thought I remember a small patch of gravel that made its way to the side of the road.
Blackout.
From calculations we can guess I was laying alone for 20 minutes after the fall before I was found. I remember opening my eyes and seeing a man leaning over me and a woman standing near me on her phone. That’s it. I don’t remember pain. I don’t remember being alone. I don’t remember being moved on the stretcher. And I certainly don’t remember the fall that left my pelvis broken in three places, gave me a concussion and tore up the right side of my body.
I started to wake up in the ambulance. Dale, the paramedic, was moving around me. I stared up at the ceiling of the ambulance, trying to remember what I was doing here. The concussion meant my short term memory was gone. I paid no attention to the pain at this point. Instead I tried with everything in me to remember what month it was and why I was here. I asked Dale to remove my shoes because they were uncomfortable.
The next several hours in the trauma unit of the ER were filled with confusion, doctors, tests and pain that I hope I never feel again. I faded in and out and don’t remember it all. I remember being alone in a hallway with my body stabilized and the pain unbearable. All I could do was stare at the ceiling and try to piece together why I was here. I cried the saddest tears.
The rest of the story up to now, including a 4.1 inch screw in my pelvis, has been blogged.
Before this accident, exercise was my life. I was training for a half marathon this Saturday, the Augusta Half Ironman next Sunday and the Great Floridian Ironman distance triathlon October 22. Days off were spent doing as much yoga, running, swimming, biking and CrossFit as possible.
I have a long road of healing in front of me, but I know I’ll eventually be as athletic as I want down the road.
Still, I just don’t know if I can ride my bike again. The fall was during a very normal ride. It literally just happened. And it can happen again. And it can happen worse. Thinking of never riding a bike again breaks my heart, but what if this happened again on my next ride? As my situation points out, it is so easy to crash a bike. My fall was entirely too easy.
Is there something that you avoid for fear of getting hurt (or dying)? Would you ride again if you were in my situation?
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When I was six I almost drowned. I jumped into the pool with my arms straight up in the air. I hit the water and my floaties shot off leaving me (who didn’t know how to swim) to sink to the bottom of the deep end. My brother had jumped in just before me and didn’t realize I was in trouble. I fully remember being at the bottom of the pool and being scared and then my great aunt all of a sudden scooping me up and getting me out of the pool. I later became a swim instructor/life guard because I wanted to try and help others not go through what I did. Granted, a broken pelvis and concussion (and I’m sure some road rash in the mix) takes a lot longer to recover from than an almost drowning. Just take it easy and do what feels right. You’ll be on my prayer list! p.s. my grandpa broke his pelvis twice after he turned 90 and could still walk so I will hope your recovery is as full as his was!
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I know they always say you should just ‘get back on’ the bike, but it’s definitely not as easy as that. I was never an avid cyclist, but often used my bike for transport until crashed it over two years ago (swerved to miss a cat, hit a car instead, broke a few ribs but was very very lucky to not do any more damage).
I think that, if you do decide to ride again, the earlier you start the easier it is. As you’re still recovering, it is not an option, of course, but I think the first few months after the accident, I probably could have ridden again. The longer I’ve left it, the more the injury has ‘built up’ in my mind, and now I don’t think I could bring myself to cycle again.
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I just flipped over here from Katy Loves and just had to chime in on this post. I was walking to work on Valentine’s Day this past February and slipped on black ice. I didn’t think anything of it while it was happening except to cringe a little with embarrassment because I was going to be “that girl” who fell on the sidewalk (I live in MN, so it’s a pretty common site to see). Instead, I landed on the inside of my foot on an incline and felt the most intense pain I’ve ever experienced. I dislocated my ankle and broke my tibia & fibula. I spend the next 4 weeks on a bed in my living room, 10 weeks on crutches and 12 weeks in a boot. 7 months later I am still unable to run or jump due to complications while removing a few of the screws from my ankle. Prior to the injury, my life revolved around volleyball, dance, running, yoga, weights, MBA studies and working full time. This all came to a screeching halt. Needless to say, I can feel some of your pain.
However, the struggle I have to maintain calm when walking on even the most benigh surfaces is very surprising to me. I truly believe that I will overcome this new fear born out of caution, and I pray that you will find a way to overcome yours enough to enjoy biking again.
It was interesting to read your musings on whether or not you will be able to bike again. Thus far, the hardest part of my recovery is the PTSD-type reaction I have to walking on wet surfaces. Never in my life have I been afraid of any type of activity – I like my adrenaline rushes.
p.s. Netflix instant queue kept me from going insane during my 4 weeks on bed rest. Reading was out of the question due to the pain med fog I was in most of the time.
I had a bike wreck when I was 13…I was just out for a normal ride, something I did countless times and I thought I heard a car, so I swerved out of the way (going downhill). I broke my jaw, chin, teeth, and was badly scraped up. I haven’t ridden a bike since then either, except for the little ride I took on my husband’s new bike. I probably rode the length of our driveway, but I was shaky by the end (even 15 years after the accident), so I knew my choice not to ride again was the right one. I don’t blame you one bit…I know that the chances of another wreck happening again are probably pretty slim…but when they’ve happened to you, you feel like they are more likely to happen again…you just feel so exposed being on the bike again. Please rest well and don’t fret about your decision to ride again. Maybe one day you will feel safe enough to try, but if you don’t, that’s NBD.
BTW, having jaw surgery and your mouth wired shut in 8th grade is really hard, especially when you’re at a new school, but I cannot imagine the pain you are in right now. I am so sorry you have to go through this!
Just found your blog. You will ride again!! I just bought a bike this spring and on my 5th ride out I had a bike wreck. Also out on a 2 lane country road, I was chased by a pack of 3 dogs and hit the pit bull when he ran right in front of me. The dog was fine, but I ended up in the ER. My injuries were nowhere near as serious as yours and still it took me 2 months to heal. I’m not nearly as committed to my health and fitness as you and still I’ve gotten back on the bike for a couple rides already. Give your body and mind time to heal and one of these days the time will be right and you’ll go for a ride.
Riding again is scary. I know you are already back in the saddle and I applaud you. I had a nasty fall at mile 24 of a 25 mile ride. I was five months pregnant and all I could think about while lying in the highway was my baby, not the fact that if I didn’t move fast I could be smashed by a car. Luckily I moved, a car pulled over and helped me off to a safer spot and we called for help. I had a sprint tri one month later and rode my bike so SLOW the whole time. I know that slow is actually more dangerous, but I just wanted to ensure that if I fell I would not hurt myself or my daughter. She had her first birthday last month and I have only hit the road one time since giving birth. My indoor trainer and I are best friends. But I do feel sheepish knowing the point of that thing is to keep me in shape for when I get back outside. You are giving me motivation to get back out there. Thank you. I am so glad I found your blog today. It was perfect timing and meant to be.
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