I can’t tell you what kind of person I was before I found running, yoga and eventually triathlons. I think I was lost to some degree. I lacked goals. There was no passion.
I started running in late 2008, which led to my first 5k, my first half marathon and my first (spontaneous) marathon. The true test was the Great Floridan, a 140.6 mile ultra distance triathlon (better known as an Ironman). With the biggest smile on my face I completed a 2.4 mile swim, a 112 mile bike ride and a marathon. I was undertrained and one of the last finishers, but on October 25, 2010, I did it.
I can’t put to words why my happy place is in the middle of eight hours of training. I can’t fully explain how sweating makes me a better person, but it does. Through fitness I’ve learned determination, confidence, love, and that the more I push what’s possible, more of what’s possible opens up.
On the mat in yoga class, on a long weekend run, in the middle of a scary lake and on a hilly bike ride, I became who I am, who I wanted to be.
And one afternoon my bike, my passion, betrayed me. I crashed and broke my pelvis, my bike and a little piece of my heart.
I was angry. The risks of riding were no longer in statistics. The risks of riding were my reality as I was rushed in the trauma unit. After all those long rides, after all those scary descents we conquered together, how could my bike fail me on such a simple hill?
I didn’t want to go back. I hated my bike and that hate broke me harder than the accident. I’d be angry if I rode again and I’d be angry if I sat out. I lost enough from the accident; the thought of losing my passion, losing all those Ironmans that headed up my goals, was heartbreaking.
I sat in that angry place for a while. I was a victim and I didn’t want to be bold, to face my fears, to set goals. “Don’t you see how bad this is?” I’d think. Jumping on the bike would never be the same.
Then Richard bought me a new helmet for my birthday.
Suddenly, without any hesitation, I knew I’d ride again.
If I’m not riding, I’m not living. The crash has taken part of my life from me, but if I never ride again, I’m letting it take much more.
Sure, the fear of crashing again is terrifying. We couldn’t financially survive another crash, and maybe I wouldn’t be so lucky if I fell again. But I’m choosing to believe I won’t fall again.
Because choosing to believe in the best and then giving it your absolute all is all you can ever do with something you love.
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So proud of you! You can do it! I know you can
And maybe i’ll get a fire lit under my butt, and get that determination back!
Brittany @ LessBritt MoreLife recently posted..Pecan Street Festival and Shoal Creek Saloon!
That. Is. Beautiful!
Just noticed…
you can change the name of your blog to Heal Thy Ashley.com…
Happy to read this one. Congrats on coming SOSOSO far!
Again, you inspire me….make me believe….make me dig deep and renew my own passion.
I hear you! Glory be….again you are an inspiration.
Absolutely beautiful – and well said!
Emily recently posted..Project Athena 10K
In the immortal words of Vince Lombardi: “It’s not whether you get knocked down, it’s whether you get up.”
I’m so happy to see that you’re ‘getting up.’
Mary recently posted..Mountain Paradise – Day 2
What a beautiful post!
“the more I push what’s possible, more of what’s possible opens up.” This will ALWAYS be true, and you’re figuring that out daily right now, just in a new way. Keep pushing
Heather @ Dietitian on the Run recently posted..Running with Garmin: Learning to use the Forerunner 405
You can do it! Every single day is a risk, we just don’t think about the statistics of ‘normal’ activities that could change our lives in a heartbeat. I don’t know how this will make you feel, but I’ve been thinking about you since I saw it… Just down the road from my house I saw a bike accident on Sunday. There was an organized century and around mile 90 I saw two riders down as I was driving by to take my dog to the dog park. There was no car, the riders just took one another out. The girl was sitting on the curb with blood all over her face, she looked like she was in shock. And the guy was sitting cross legged with his head on a wrapped up towel in a girls arms. I didn’t stop because there were tons of people there and a fire truck, ambulance and police were just getting to the scene. What I saw scared the shit out of me. It later turns out I know both the riders and I have the whole story, seen after photos and continue to be scared shitless of what I saw. The girl had to have her sunglasses surgically removed from her face and she is still in the hospital. Again these riders just hit a rough patch going downhill and took each other out, it was a simple accident that could happen to anyone. AND they are both training for an Ironman in November < can you see why I keep thinking of you!? You are not alone and while that only adds to the horrible statistics, it's the risk we take for freedom.
I LOVE what Heather @ Dietician on the Run said – "the more I push what's possible, more of what's possible opens up." She is SO right!! Keep pushing Ashley and I'll be cheering for you along the way.
p.s. I am really sorry if my story upsets you!! I just had to share with you since I can't get it all out of my mind and keep thinking of how much it reminds me of your story. hugs!!
Elizabeth recently posted..my conundrum
<3 this post. You can do it. And we'll all be cheering you on!
Casey @ Pocket Full of Sunshine recently posted..Santa Monica and Temecula
You. Are. A. Winner.
This says it all:
“Because choosing to believe in the best and then giving it your absolute all is all you can ever do with something you love.”
I would definitely do what you did – make ‘cooler cleanout’ dinner something magic!
Your story is scary but inspirational. I blew my knee out (NFL style, including fractures– on a trampoline) during my taper for the 2008 NYC marathon, but came back to run the NYC marathon 2 years later. You can do it, too.
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