Bachelorette Recap: Episode 1

Double date watching the Bachelorette. I’ll own up to it! There may have been wine and dark chocolate involved. Hey, we need help getting through this.

Well, another season of Bachelorette premiered and it did not dissappoint. This episode was full of enough embarrassment, insecurities, cheesy pickup lines and misled longing for love to make us blush just watching at home.

Here are some play-by-play thoughts:

- Geesh the beginning is sad. Plane crashes… single mom.. crying.

- Can’t believe Emily is only 26!!

- Was anyone actually a fan of Brad on the Bachelor?

- Of course it’s not going to work this time around… it’s the Bachelorette.

- Little kids flipping tires… sports trainer Ryan gets bonus points.

- Thank goodness these men look better on TV than in their photos.

- Tony: why is a man playing with a little kid so darn attractive?

- Little dogs = small penis. No?

- Aww Charlie. There’s something adorable about him. Love his thoughts about his accident. AND HIS DOG!!! Love him.

- Awesome: “I may have had a head injury, but there’s nothing wrong with my heart.” LOL love Charlie.

- Heya seagull hair, Jef! Let’s just call him emo moving forward.

- Arie- a racecar driver? Really? Don’t we remember Emily’s dead fiancé was a race car driver?

- I like Chris Harrison a lot less after hearing he’s getting a divorce. Sad considering his business is creating lasting relationships.

- Emily looks amazing! Perfect dress for her.

- Again, a sad chat with Chris. Let’s move on to the men!

- Emily wants babies. Is this show “Things to Not Say on Your First Date”?

- Emily is on the verge of tears about 23 hours of the day.

- Sean makes albino look good.

- Single dad from Seattle Doug is cute. Love that they both have kids.

- Fitness model AND cheesy line? No thanks, Jackson.

- Joe is representing Orlando! Let’s go easy on him.

- “…well, I’m going to say gracias.” -Emily

- Poor Jeff grew up without mirrors.

- Stevie, the party MC, walks in with a boom box. Epic intro. A little creepy.

- LOVE CHARLIE!!!!! So cute and innocent.

- If you need a cheesy pick up line, you’re not bringing it in other places. Tony.

- Randy dressed up as an old lady to meet Emily? Ahhh I’m getting rusty… he was my favorite from the photos.

- Travis is giving baby-hungry Emily an egg? #thingsnottodoever

- So a guy walks into a bar with a giant egg…

- Awww, Michael, bringing the estrogen to the game.

- Jean-Paul reminds me of too many awkward, geeky exes.

- Oh, Ryan. I like you. I take back everything mean I’ve said. Yes, Ryan. Yes.

- Kalon is a “Luxury Brandon Consultant”? So he sells handbags at Chicos?

- Doug’s son wrote a sweet letter to Emily. If she’s anything like me, her ovaries are hurting right about now.

- Things to not say at a first impression: “My friends call me Wolf.”

- Love the fight breaking out between Mr. Helicopter and Party Pants MC on Day 1. Nothing like a little jealousy over a girl who doesn’t know your names!

- “Emily’s race car driving fiancé died.” <—– mentioned 259 times and counting.

- Doug wins the first impression rose for playing the kid card early in the game! Wonder how many drafts the kid had to write before his dad approved.

- Man they’re rushing through the final rose. I lost respect for Emily in some of her choices (double earing guy, the woman, green shirt douche). Trying to move past it.

- Randy dressing up as a grandma is taking down my credibility. So sad he wasn’t picked. Note to men: dressing like a grandma CLOSES the vagina. Try something else.

- “This is one of the hardest, most intense things I’ve been through. I feel like my heart fell on the floor and was trampled.” Really?

Did you watch the first episode? Who are your first impression favorites? Favorite moment?

Tagged as: Bachelrette