Today’s WOD sucked.
I mean, want-to-throw-your-barbell-at-someone-and-walk-out-crying suck level.
Really, from the way my negative self talk has been creeping up the past two weeks, a craptastic WOD is almost expected.
I have so much I can fail at right now- not getting a straight 4.0 in these tough prerequisites, not holding strong on my duties at work, not making my Ironman goals, not being there for my husband enough while balancing everything else- and sometimes the pressure turns from determination and grace to terrible negative self talk.
I made it to the 6am WOD to start the week off on the best foot and I even loved the workout. It’s the perfect balance of speed and strength; it was a WOD I’d typically excel at.
Only this time I left my jump rope at home and Richard gave me one to use. Silly me didn’t bother to test it out and make sure it worked.
Five seconds after the clock started I realized that the rope definitely didn’t work and I needed a different one. Minutes were wasted trying to get a decent rope that fit me while the rest of the group was moving quickly through their WOD.
The rope incident plus for some reason cleaning 65# (10# over the RX) mixed in with the fact that I haven’t CrossFitted in two weeks equaled me coming in dead last and finishing my cleans alone. On the middle of the box floor.
It’s CrossFit courtesy to cheer on others, especially if you finish before them. Hearing others cheer me on or knowing they’re watching can push me when I’m already kicking a$$. It can give me that extra push.
Today it made me feel pathetic. I heard “good job, Ashley- almost there” as “I’ve been done for a while. Yep, still done and you’re still last.” At that moment I just wanted space.
I finished and immediately left to run home.
With added stress that negative voice is sure to sneak up, but the best I can do is give myself space to think and to discover the truth separate from the story I have about it.
I began to see it for what it is: one unfortunate, sucky WOD experience. That’s it. It didn’t determine my run home and it certainly doesn’t define me as a person.
Instead of focusing on my jump rope debacle or the fact that I finished last, I’m taking a moment to recognize that I did a weight above RX and that tomorrow I have another chance to kick butt in a WOD.
Do you ever get mad during workouts? Would you want to be cheered on if you were finishing last?