Infertility and loss

Blogging Infertility

August 8, 2016 15

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Blogging is raw, personal and permanent.

So I have no idea why I’m reopening my blog (which left off with me perfectly healthy, pregnant and running a freaking MARATHON) to talk about my infertility and loss (and all the other stuff like life and adoption, but let’s start off with bang here).

I’m not blogging to be the voice of miscarriage, because the battle is so personal and complex.

I’m not blogging to be a voice of support, because I certainly haven’t figured out the upside to it.

I’m not blogging for sympathy, because there isn’t really a fix to make things okay.

I’m putting words to pages to vent, to add my voice to the few who have spoken, to work through these big, personal things out loud.

Because this process— this painful, icky time— matters.

Because I don’t want to forget about the struggle.

Because one woman might read this and know she is not alone in the sadness, anger and other glamorous feelings that come with infertility and loss.


There are 15 comments

  • Susan says:

    Kudos for being brave and talking about this topic. It’s something that is hard for people to understand unless they have been there- and believe me I have been there. I turn 36 in a little over a month and everyone wants to comment on expanding my family. On the fact that I am not getting any younger and my childbearing years are numbered. I have one daughter, she will be 2 very soon. It took A LOT (time, effort, grief, loss) for us to be blessed with her. And with her, she was born at 33 weeks and we spent two super stressful months with her in the NICU. It’s hard to imagine going through that again. None of this was our plan. Being late parents was not the plan. Only having one child was not the plan. Being NICU parents was not the plan. And so as folks want to comment… I remain to pray and trust that all of this is His plan for us. That’s all you can do, keep hope that His plan for you is greater. It’s so much harder said than done though… this I know to be true.

    • Healthy Ashley says:

      I’m so sorry for your journey to parenthood and struggle to #2. One of the hardest parts of infertility for me is letting go of my timeline! Prayers to you <3

      • Susan says:

        Agree about the timelines! The “plan” was 3 babies before 35… guess that did not work out. What’s also hard is when there are friends that seem to just sneeze and they are pregnant with another baby. And it’s not their fault they are super fertile, but for the rest of us it triggers so much jealousy.

  • I have been reading your blog and following you on social media for a long time. I too am going through infertility and started a blog about it (though mine is separate from my public blog as I just cannot figure out how to talk about infertility publicly — all my family doesn’t even know yet). We are getting ready to try our first IVF cycle this fall. Infertility is one of those things no-one can understand unless you have gone through it yourself. So sorry to hear this is happening to you guys and cheering you along on your adoption journey!

    • Healthy Ashley says:

      Right! I always sympathized with people going through infertility, but it’s a different world when you live it. So glad to hear you have a release through writing about it!

  • Rachael Kelley says:

    Welcome back, love. I’ve been following along on IG, and my heart goes out to you.

  • Rosamund says:

    Thank you.
    I am beginning this infertility journey and feeling so lost. While there are friends and family to talk to, it is often hard as, like you pointed out, this is such a personal thing. Every story is different, but knowing that mine isn’t the only one helps a lot. I appreciate your writing about it, not only am I sure it will be therapeutic for you, but knowing that I am not alone is a comfort to me right now.

    • Healthy Ashley says:

      ABSOLUTELY NOT ALONE! That’s the biggest thing for me too… I had one wonderful woman reach out to me to just share her journey with secondary infertility and it’s still the biggest comfort to me. Definitely not alone… best of luck to you <3

  • Ingunn says:

    I’m glad to see you back, but sad to see the reason. It took a lot of time and work for us to get our first, and it was so heartbreaking to go through. In hindsight, knowing that it did in fact end well, I’ll say that it taught me so much about myself and I think it made appreciating the tougher parts of parenthood easier – but man, while we were going trough it, there’s not a damn positive thing I could say about it. Infertility is isolating, depressing, and there’s no getting away from it – babies and bumps are freaking everywhere. Sending you good vibes from the other coast, I hope you will get your wish very soon in one way or another. And thank you for being open about infertility…you will definitely help someone who is feeling like they’re all alone in this.

    • Healthy Ashley says:

      Thank you! And yes… babies are such a crazy trigger! Most days I’m good… but those days I see a bunch of babies and babies are so rough!

  • Erin says:

    Welcome back! I appreciate you sharing your story about infertility. I’ve been trying to conceive #2 since December 2015 and experienced a loss in April. I still haven’t quite figured out how to talk about it publicly.

    • Healthy Ashley says:

      I’m so sorry to hear about your infertility and loss 🙁 Please feel free to reach out if you just want to vent!

  • Elke Manifred says:

    I never thought I’d be writing this message but after 4.5 years of and nearly lost my marriage due to not be able to have a child, severe endometriosis and scarring, I was told that IVF was the only option. This was something we could not afford and had almost given up hope of becoming parents. A friend of mine recommended priest raja to me and persuaded me to contact him, he did a spiritual breakthrough for me to make me get pregnant, within 3 weeks I was pregnant (naturally!!!) and gave birth to our son in july. I am writing this message for those women who are at the stage I was depressed with no light at the end of the tunnel. give priest raja a try to help you solve your problem, and hopefully you’ll have the same success that I have had. Here is his email address priestraja@mail.com . wish you all happiness in your marriage.

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