Three Things That Have Surprised Me Since Adopting Twins

September 27, 2016 4
twin boys one month

Happy one month!

Adoption— the journey to adopt, the process of adopting and the lifelong navigation of post-adoption— is complex.

Every single day my ideas about adoption are changing— they’ve (thank Jesus) shifted from a me-centered mindset to one that (strives to) focus 100% on what’s best for the boys— and also, in many aspects, their birth mother.

I’m by no means an adoption expert. And I’m definitely not a perfect adoptive mom. But since I am obviously an adoptive parent, I’m doing my best to support others considering adoption and share what our journey looks like. All while trying to avoid putting my foot in my mouth 😉

The boys’ birth mom chose us just about a month ago and we’ve had them home from NICU for about two full weeks now. I still can’t believe these beautiful boys are ours! In the past several weeks, here are some things that have surprised me…


My Heart for The Boys’ Birth Mom

We have an open adoption, but we haven’t met the boys’ birth mom yet. And this breaks my heart. I’m surprised by just how much I care about her— both for who she is to the boys, and because she’s automatically a valuable person to our family. We’re waiting on her lead, but I hope we can explore a relationship with her soon.


The Amount of Attention They Bring!

Transracial twin adoption— our family has become a walking billboard for adoption. Twins get so much attention— and how they joined our family often comes up. I don’t bring up adoption, but it comes up (often just because I don’t look like I just birthed twins). This is awesome! They are conversation starters and we’ve been able to learn so much more about our community— and total strangers! We hope we can provide support for those considering or navigating adoption.


That Our Love Would Be Immediate

I am surprised at how immediate our love for our boys developed. From the minute we received the call that we were selected, they were our kids. We wondered how this would play out, but I am so surprised how fast our attachment developed considering we didn’t have that nine month warmup.



“We should not be asking who this child belongs to, but who belongs to this child.”

—Jim Gritter

There are 4 comments

  • Jenna_Days says:

    Love reading about this new journey Ashley. A friend of mine adopted her foster daughter and they called her biological mom “belly Mommy” to help her have a term that made sense to her and was special, just different. I thought it was sweet.

    • Healthy Ashley says:

      That is precious! I’ve also heard “tummy mommy” which is sweet… and I’ve heard that those terms can be demeaning. I’m hoping we can talk about it with the boys’ birth mom and see what she prefers! Day by day 🙂

  • Kristi says:

    So beautiful. We have always had a heart for adoption, and it is so great to read from a family who is doing it!

    The boys are so cute.

    And I love the statement that it became less about ‘me’ and more about ‘them’ – sums up parenthood perfectly 🙂

    Great job mama!

  • stacey says:

    First- how did I not know you were blogging again?! Yay! And I love these adoption posts and your story. Jason and I hope to adopt in the future, so it’s really cool to see what your journey was like and prepare for some of those things ourselves.

    So happy for you and those babies!

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